I originally posted this on Facebook. I’ve decided to leave it intact. Turning my MESS into my MESSAGE.
When joined this group, I was not only hoping for direction in my business and continuing making it grow, I was also looking to connect with others that are facing similar issues as me. I was looking to make some new friends; I still am. After all, part of success is who you’re hanging with. I admit, I can be more visible in this group and I should be. But, a lot has held me back. Now it’s time that I step out.
Let me just put it out there. I am a survivor of rape. I was 16 years old, in love with my boyfriend (as much as a 16 year old girl could be), looking forward to my future of becoming a lawyer, when this happened to me. The actual details are not important, but from this experience, I lost my voice; I lost my identity; I lost my self-worth and self-esteem. I was scared to live life afraid that this will happen to me again. The vibrant, energetic, girl with such promise was no longer there. This is where I learned how to build my wall.
I tried to tell someone what happened to me. That resulted in them not believing me. I then held this secret for 25 years. This year is my 30th anniversary of my experience. You may think this is not something to celebrate, but actually it is. I didn’t let this destroy me. I didn’t give in to his power. I discovered my own. Yes, it took a little time, but getting there late is better than not getting there at all.
I’ve been hurt and disappointed by people so much in my life that I have built this beautiful and perfect wall around me. Not many people are successful in penetrating this wall. I’ve become very successful in keeping people out. I’m a very strong woman. It’s easier for me to handle my own issues to the best of my ability than let anyone else in. It’s about trust.
In my professional life (work outside of business), I’m comfortable, confident, and at times, I do feel invincible. I’ve perfected my craft. I admit that I’ve hidden behind what I do successfully, that I had forgotten who I am. I didn’t want to deal with it. In my business, I’ve struggled to grow as I’m scared of being seen. This may not make sense to any of you.
In business, you’re showing more of yourself authentically, or you should be anyways. I struggle because with all my flaws (yes, we all have them), I wonder who can see mine. If I’m flawed, would anyone want to do business with me knowing about my flaws? This is such a powerful thing that at times I’m overwhelmed. I’m almost positive that I’m not the only one recovering from something traumatic and being afraid to be seen. But I do know we all handle our struggles differently.
Maybe it was me or my perception, but we’re all good at “hiding” behind our walls; doing the minimum we choose to do so we can stay hidden. Only showing so much of ourselves and still managing to keep ourselves safe. Then I asked myself this question:
Is it really so bad to be seen? (Things that make you go hummmm). At that time, YES, it was.
Underneath our beautiful exteriors lies hearts that choose to serve other people the best way we know how. We sit at our computers day in and day out desperate to make a positive impact in someone else’s life. How can we do that if we continue to “hide” who we are and not be authentic?
The Word says that the truth shall set us free!! I can admit now that I do feel a little liberated sharing my truth with you all. That was very scary for me. I was afraid to be seen as weak, as ugly, as anything.
It’s time that I stop running from who I am. God has been trying to get my attention for a long time. Sometimes I pay attention and other times, I run. It’s time to stop. It’s time to stop hiding. It’s time to #OwnMyTruth. My name is powerful. HOPE. It’s what I’m here to do….share HOPE with all of you. It’s time that I start taking baby steps to who I’m supposed to be.
Am I scared? HELL YES I AM. As I take my steps here to be “seen”, I just hope that I’m not alone. It was time that I owned my truth (#OwnYourTruth). My #truth is I am a survivor. I’ve survived this horrific experience and I am alive to talk about it. I’m no longer ashamed. I’m no longer fearful of this. I’m stronger than this. I’m stronger than the fool who did it to me. I have transformed my life in ways that I could not expect.
#HopeRises in ways that no one or anything can keep anyone down. I’m here today to turn my mess into a message. Help others to stop hiding and turn that into their victory. From this I am victorious. I created a #OwnYourTruth T-shirt so I can start my #OwnYourTruth #Revolution. It’s time to stand up. Not sit back and wait.
Thank you for reading. I’m sorry that it’s long. When you have something to say, you should not be afraid to say it. #JustDoIt!
Hi there! It’s nice to meet you! I’m a successful single mama, mental health advocate, sports fan, blogger and all around fun person helping other overwhelmed and stressed women entrepreneurs to get hope, have faith and be inspired to push through their depression and anxiety so they too can live the life of their dreams. Say hello! I would love to meet you! 🙂