I’m a HOT Mess, but So Are You

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You read that right; I’m a HOT mess, but so are you.

Not too long ago I wrote a post titled Turn Your Mess Into Your Message.  In it I discussed how I was able to take the mess of being assaulted as a teenager and turn it into my message.  It has not been an easy transition it took me time for me to accept that this happened.

Im a HOT mess, but So Are YOU!

I’m a HOT mess

Today, I listened to a message given by T.D. Jakes entitled God Can Turn Your Mess Into a Message.  In it, he discussed in detail about how our mess is our progress. At first, I was confused by that statement. I tried to wrap my head around that point.  After listening more to him, I started to understand.  The messes (the unfortunate experiences in our lives) are actually preparing us to progress further in our lives.  When we are going through the mess, the last thing we think about is how the situation is actually progressing us. The goal for most of us at the time is just to get through the situation and pray that we come out alive on the other side.

Once we come out from our experience, what do we do? Do we try to move on and forget the experience? Feel a little embarrassed that the situation happened to you? Maybe something else crosses your mind.  Probably more feelings come out.   For me, I did feel embarrassed and was too scared and ashamed to say anything to anyone.  I went through life trying to forget my rape. I really tried to forget that it really happened.

A long time ago, while I was in counseling (that was at least one thing I did that was right), it was mentioned to me that I should consider sharing my story as it could help someone else. She suggested that this would help me in my healing process.  Yes, I thought my counselor was a little crazy.  Why would anyone want to hear my story? How would that help them?  Well, needless to say, I continued to go through my life trying to live it the best way I knew how.  I put that whole suggestion out of my mind. There was no way I was sharing this story with anyone.

There were all kind of clues that led back to “your story could help someone else.”  I kept on ignoring them.  One day I made the conscious decision to become a coach.  I believe I’m pretty good at what I do.  Sharing my story of adoption and other experiences was no big deal for me. There were other adoptees that have a similar story as mine.  They were people that I could to connect with and share a bond. BUT….that wasn’t the story that was meant for me to share.

I fought with sharing this part of myself not knowing what would happen.  If I felt embarrassed and ashamed about it at sixteen, can you imagine what I felt when I finally started to deal with this experience? Let’s say it’s been a crazy ride.

Our stories / experiences are meant to help others.

Our stories / experiences are meant to help others.  No, I’m not an expert, nor a counselor or therapist.  That’s not my role in all this.  My role is to let other survivors ( and all women) know that there really is hope at the end of the tunnel.  We don’t have to go through life just being and feeling mediocre.  Hope does exist and it is much more than me. It’s time that you stop running and face that mess head on.  Running from it will do no good.  Trust me, I’ve tried.  Sooner or later, it will catch up with you.

What is your mess that you are meant to share with others?  Bishop Jakes pointed out one thing that I never really paid attention to; nobody escapes their mess.  Talk about a light bulb experience!  So, if you feel that you are all alone with your mess, you’re not.  The women on your block or at your job that you may feel are so perfect and have perfect lives? Yeah, they’re not immune from having messes either. The details of their mess is different from yours, but let me assure you, they have them. This little detail should help you breathe a sigh of relief.  You are not alone.

Ladies, whatever your mess is, deal with it.  Use it to share with someone as I’ve shared my mess with you.  I’m no longer ashamed of my mess and neither should you.  Again, if you are a survivor of sexual violence and you want to know how I got past my mess, DM me and let’s schedule a time to chat.

Until next time,


  • Lori Lockemy

    I totally agree! We are all a hot mess. But I am thankful that God uses our mess and makes it our message. Thank you for sharing this. Very inspiring! ❤️

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