It’s been a while since I’ve discussed my depression. So, I decided to post an update. Just so you know, depression doesn’t go away, but it can be managed. I still have days when I don’t want to get out of bed or do much of anything. Each day is a battle.
Managing your depression can be done. You need to find that “thing” that works for you. For me, I have been testing more things to see what sticks and what doesn’t. It’s a challenge. Some days are good. However, I still have bad days when the cloud of despair shows up. Having depression is not an easy thing. When more “things” happen in our lives, it can heighten our depression even more.
With that said…here’s my update.
On top of being diagnosed with depression and learning to deal with it, I have also been going through a couple of medical (physical) issues. As if things weren’t stressful already.
These were things that I didn’t see coming. However, after a trip to the emergency room, I had to have emergency surgery. Talk about when it rains, it pours. I couldn’t believe what was happening. I didn’t understand why I had to go through that too. What did I do to deserve all that? That was the question that I posed to God.
NOTHING. I did nothing to deserve all that. Unfortunately, it’s part of life and the various challenges it presents us. I am usually really strong and can handle most things. Yes, I have my moments, I can admit that. This was not the time I was strong. I was actually angry.
My physical issues were no match for the depression. I cried and I cried. Not just from the physical pain, but I was also very depressed. I was stuck in bed all day for a week and a half with plenty of time to think. It wasn’t good. An idle mind is the devils’ workshop.
Now that I’m on the road to recovery from this physical battle, my depression is trying to make another comeback. During my follow-up post-op appointment, I was yet presented with another problem that needs fixing. I just about lost it in the doctor’s office. Tears just started flowing from my eyes. My anxiety rose and I felt that I couldn’t handle any more things.
After my appointment, I just sat in my car in the parking lot. I tried to figure out what was happening to me. What was going on that I deserved yet another trip to see another specialist? I’m still trying to answer that question. Was it another one of life’s unfortunate events? Most likely.
“If you know someone who’s depressed, please resolve never to ask them why. Depression isn’t a straightforward response to a bad situation; depression just is, like the weather.
Try to understand the blackness, lethargy, hopelessness, and loneliness they’re going through. Be there for them when they come through the other side. It’s hard to be a friend to someone who’s depressed, but it is one of the kindest, noblest, and best things you will ever do.”
~ Stephen Fry
I hadn’t written for awhile. Things in my life have gotten so out of control that I was sent back to my depression box. It’s comfortable in the depression box sometimes. Nonetheless, that was the first thing I needed to do; write. Writing is therapeutic for me. Even if I write about much of nothing. I can honestly say that I do feel better after I write. What do I write about? Whatever comes to mind. I put pen to paper and go.
Most of the time I write to see what comes out. There’s usually a lot of things happening and writing is a good way of letting it all out. I can admit that I do get lazy and I don’t write at all. That’s not always good. But, for the most part, I do write it out. It helps with my recovery.
As I write this, I have yet another surgery to consider. I wish that I just felt better and I didn’t have all of these medical issues going on, for what it feels like at the same time. I’ve still been going to counseling through all this. That has been a Godsend.
Now you’re updated on my journey (the short version anyway). It’s still ongoing. I fear that it’ll never go away. Depression is in it for the long haul.
“That’s the thing about depression: A human being can survive almost anything, as long as she sees the end in sight. But depression is so insidious, and it compounds daily, that it’s impossible to ever see the end.” ~ Elizabeth Wurtzel,
If you’re suffering from depression, what strategies do you have that help you get through the big challenges of life? What helps you get through the day? I really would like to hear from you.