When I started my coaching business, I wanted to help single moms like me.  Moms that worked in professional jobs while juggling all the perks of motherhood. I wanted to help them pursue their goals and dreams.  There is a way to accomplish this.  As a single mom, I’ve accomplished this myself. It hasn’t been easy, but I was told that I shouldn’t do this. I was told that there was no money in helping single moms.  This statement surprised me.  So, without any reservation, I changed my niche because this person said so.  In fact, I continued to work in an area that I wasn’t happy in. I was slowly losing my own identity in this process because someone else said so. Whatever happened to being true to yourself?

being true to yourself

Don’t compromise yourself – you’re all you have. ~ John Grisham, The Rainmaker

Being true to yourself seems hard for some of us.  Some believe it’s a foreign concept.  In order to do that, you have to know who you are. How many of you know who you are? I’m not talking about what someone else has told you about you and you believed it. I’m talking about really knowing who you are and what you stand for?  Actually taking the time to get to know yourself?  In the transformation process, we sometimes want to conform to the identity that someone else wants us to have. Slowly we, as we know ourselves, starts to disappear. We know longer know who we are or what we want. We’re too busy trying to make those around us happy so they will accept us. This is the wrong way of doing things.  How do I know?  I used to be this person.

Don’t you ever let a soul in the world tell you that you can’t be exactly who you are. ~ Lady Gaga

For years, I was scared of not being liked by people. I didn’t like who I was back then, but instead of taking the time to learn more about myself and make necessary changes, I conformed to what others wanted me to be.  Let me tell you, there was nothing like being fake.  My fear was that if I was the real me, I wouldn’t be liked.  It’s important to realize that you won’t be liked by everyone. This is fact.  If you haven’t accepted this already, now is a good time to do that.

What I really wanted was to be me.  But honestly, I didn’t know who that was or how to accomplish that.  Constantly I was told that I should be this way or that way. I didn’t know what I liked or didn’t like. I didn’t know what I wanted out of life.  The people I had shared my ‘once upon a dream’ with said that I was unrealistic; told me to stick to something more practical.

I, nor anyone, should conform to someone else’s standards of who we should be. ~ Hope S.

This was where my life started to change.  I started out on a journey of self-discovery.  Additionally, I made a commitment to myself that I would no longer try to be something that I’m not.  Finally, I had to accept that not everyone would like me. I also learned that I wouldn’t like everyone either. I’ve always known this, but I desired to be liked by everyone and in turn, I “liked everyone ” back.

Of course, it was time for me to grow up and start becoming the woman that I wanted to be.  Most of all, it was time for me to start being true to myself.  Now, keep in mind these are the things I did that worked for me.  However, some of this may or may not work for you.  Find out what will work best  for you. After all, this is your journey of self-discovery.

Find out who you are and do it on purpose. ~ Dolly Parton

1.  First, I stopped hanging around people for the sake of being around someone. Particularly, distancing myself from the toxic relationships and people I no longer wanted to be around.  There’s a saying; you start to become most like those you hang around.  Besides, these people weren’t going anywhere nor were they trying to. They were content with how life was for them.  Not to mention that I, myself wasn’t content. I wanted to grow.  So, my ‘company’ had to change. Until I found those individuals,  I needed to learn how to be alone and how to become friends with myself.

2. Then, I started to feed my mind.  I started reading all kinds of books; self-help books, personal development,  entrepreneurship, etc.  I wanted to learn how to become an entrepreneur and start my own business.  “You shouldn’t do that”, they said.  Said that I needed to put all my time into raising my child and going to work every day.  I defied that. I wasn’t going to let anyone tell me what I should do or who to be. Needless to say, I became a positive role model for my daughter and that was the best outcome for me.

3.  Next, I started to take action.  I managed to make small steps on my new journey. Making the move initially was scary at first, but I did it.  It doesn’t matter how fast you go, as long as you keep moving forward.  Each step counts. I was making progress.

4.  Then, I learned the importance of how to be authentic.  If you’re not being yourself, people will be able to see through that.   I was ashamed of my past so much that I tried to not deal with it.  That was the wrong move.  I needed to be authentic; not just for others, but for myself.  That meant sharing my mess with others in the hopes that I could help someone else. I made my mess into my message. What are you doing?

5. Finally, I had to stop worrying about what others thought about me.  This was a hard one. What others thought of me was a constant worry of mine and at times it still is.  I’ve discovered that we all have our own paths to walk. We all have our own issues.  Though there may be some that want to judge or “provide their feedback”, I needed to realize that they were not perfect. None of us are.

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life, but define yourself. ~ Harvey Fierstein

Finally, now it’s your turn.  Don’t be afraid of being true to yourself.  Do not conform to someone standards of who you should be.  Love yourself enough to know that you are an original, not a copy.  They are not you.  They do not walk in your shoes.  You do.  With this in mind, it’s time to be true to yourself.  It’s time for you to be authentic.  It’s time to live the life of your dreams.  Please comment below of your journey or feel free to contact me.  I would love to hear about your journey of how you’re being true to yourself.